i may or may not be watching the land before time
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
