Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
