If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
