i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
