i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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