this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
