I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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