I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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