tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
