I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
