For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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