And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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