There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
