Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
