you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
