I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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