So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Mom said you looked used
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
