What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
