I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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