thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
