dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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