you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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