K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
