I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
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