my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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