I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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