Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
