For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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