Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
