put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My cat gives me a boner
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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