i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So many bounce houses so little time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vagina just clenched in fear
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
