last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
