After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize