PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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