Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
