It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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