who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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