The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
