He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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