hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
