She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
