Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
