Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
