it hurts more in the daytime
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
