I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize