seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
