so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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