someone threw a dead crab at me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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