i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
