he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
