This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
