At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize