Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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