I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
