nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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