I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
