I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
