I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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