Everything about him screamed your future.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
