The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
