I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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