im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
