he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
