i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
