I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
