How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
