Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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